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Most gratifying were the responses from some of you saying, “Omigod, this is happening to me right now! I’m in a similar situation; however, I believe he’s the first man I’ve ever truly loved.

How do you find a guy who’s compatible, age-appropriate, and interested in a long-term committed relationship? In the beginning I was still hung up on Bad Boy, but distraction and detox (no contact with Bad Boy) really worked. Some of you were kind enough to answer my 60-second survey question: What is the single biggest challenge you’re dealing with in dating and relationships these days?When Bad Boy reached out to me 16 months later, the addiction was genuinely dead, and I could authentically say f*** off. A’s excellent advice, detox from your Bad Boy, and if you can, find something or someone that can pull you forward into the present or the future — rather than some wistful past that you’ve idealized. If you wanted to answer but didn’t get around to it, you can do it now here.The phrase “finding a man who wants to be a grown-up” came up several times. This response summarized the challenge nicely: “Meeting a man who I feel compatible with, feeling attracted to that same man AND having him treat me well.” This is what all the online dating methods call the phase.

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